I wish I had more time to process everything in my life but school is literally insane. Medical school keeps you constantly on your feet but that’s part of learning medicine. Everything, since the start of this block/phase, has been a blur. Every second, moment, hour, day, week, and month congealed into one amorphous box in my brain, labeled “MUSCULOSKELETAL”. I’m never exactly sure the date of each day. I just know there are X number of days/weeks before the exam. And again, I don’t know the exact arabic date of the exam.
As I get through each day, my soul deeply grieves. It grieves deeply because everything is shallow here. My relationships, my experiences, and my school community. It grieves deeply as it looks for deeper roots to anchor itself in this place but alas, there are none. Frankly, the only depth I experience here is the depth of knowledge, which I tremendously appreciate. Make no mistake, this is entirely on my shoulders. I’m too picky with how I want to experience God and His deep love. I play right into Satan’s hands with my excuses: “This church is too legalistic…Why aren’t they studying…This is a baptist church…Why is everyone here so young…”
As a man who honors and respects commitment, I’m a huge disappointment to myself. I haven’t fully committed to being here in Macon and I’ve been entirely too selfish with my time, efforts, and money here. I may possibly be here for one more year, but I want to cherish this time because I honor God.
“In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire —may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.” – 1 Peter
Being the only one in this entire school building is creepy. I need to get out of here.
